We’re on our own but we’re not going to run. -“M. Shepard” Thursday
So I’m sitting in a gazebo in Port Jeff alone. It’s beautiful here. Exactly what I need to be doing today, just listening to music watching the boats and water. My tumblr says I have notes but never gives me notifications and also I will see comments for a day then they disappear. So last night I ran into my ex whom I haven’t seen in 8 years and an old friend. I said hey guys and left it at that. Lately I’ve been thinking about how it’s so fucked how all my friends from school just ditched me when we broke up. It gets me upset sometimes but it shouldn’t. And I just think it’s weird to have seen them knowing I had so much to say and just didn’t say any of it.
I really can’t with my mom and sister. I’ve had it being their mediator forever. They need to both just grow the fuck up and get along. I don’t want it to bother me this much but it does. They are my only fucking family and it’s like how do I not care or get involved?
Started p90x again today. (: I’m feeling very accomplished. Made myself a protein shake and now going to clean up some of my room. I still feel very depressed but this is lifting my mood so ill run with it.
Also, I WILL get back on track tomorrow.
I’ve been reflecting a lot. I’m not sure how I’m feeling lately. Depressed? Regretful? I think I’ve gone through every emotion possible this last week. On my days off from work I find myself sitting in bed all day smoking cigarettes and watching shitty tv. I feel like I have so much to do but can’t think and just stay in bed. I need a new job. My brain will no longer let me enjoy it. Now I’m off to bed for 5 hours to go make 9.00 an hour and bust my ass for unappreciative fucks. The sound of the rain is so beautiful and calming. Maybe I’ll have good dreams. I’m all over.
I’m so fucking stressed. Why do people have engagement parties anyway? So stupid.
I just woke up out of no where choking and I had an acidy, disgusting throw up taste in the back of my throat. Did I just almost choke and die on vomit in my sleep? What the fuck?