So I’m sitting in a gazebo in Port Jeff alone. It’s beautiful here. Exactly what I need to be doing today, just listening to music watching the boats and water. My tumblr says I have notes but never gives me notifications and also I will see comments for a day then they disappear. So last night I ran into my ex whom I haven’t seen in 8 years and an old friend. I said hey guys and left it at that. Lately I’ve been thinking about how it’s so fucked how all my friends from school just ditched me when we broke up. It gets me upset sometimes but it shouldn’t. And I just think it’s weird to have seen them knowing I had so much to say and just didn’t say any of it.
I really can’t with my mom and sister. I’ve had it being their mediator forever. They need to both just grow the fuck up and get along. I don’t want it to bother me this much but it does. They are my only fucking family and it’s like how do I not care or get involved?
Started p90x again today. (: I’m feeling very accomplished. Made myself a protein shake and now going to clean up some of my room. I still feel very depressed but this is lifting my mood so ill run with it.
I’ve been reflecting a lot. I’m not sure how I’m feeling lately. Depressed? Regretful? I think I’ve gone through every emotion possible this last week. On my days off from work I find myself sitting in bed all day smoking cigarettes and watching shitty tv. I feel like I have so much to do but can’t think and just stay in bed. I need a new job. My brain will no longer let me enjoy it. Now I’m off to bed for 5 hours to go make 9.00 an hour and bust my ass for unappreciative fucks. The sound of the rain is so beautiful and calming. Maybe I’ll have good dreams. I’m all over.
On a health kick. Just spent an hour and a half at the gym then came home n made a grilled chicken salad and had grapefruit for dessert. I hope I keep up with it. Give me supports people’s!!! I made a more realistic goal of losing 40 pounds not 60 and I’m very motivated and organized in my life as of recent. Happy days… Haha that just made me think of how my live journal was bad_diary_dayz I was so cool… N I loved Pedro the lion.
At this point I’m trying to create relationships with people and I’m texting everyday, not once have I been texted first by any of these people… Do I keep trying or just realize ill only ever have Chris and holly?
I really want Taco bell but I can’t bring myself to get up. I’ve had major headaches for days. Could it be the moon and weather? I never lost power and I filled up my gas tank before the crazy people came out. Work has been so busy that if u stop for one second your head throbs and spins. Street lights and such have been coming back on more and more. I wish I felt better.
I haven’t been on tumblr all that much in a while. Life has gotten busy. New job, p90x, working on myself in all aspects. I recently had my birthday and celebrated 2 years clean. I’m so excited for everything that’s happening. Anyway, what’s up with all of you?